


Don't kiss the bride yet

by mally09



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Clarke Griffin and Lexa in Love, Clexa Endgame, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Minor Angst, Panic Attacks, Wedding, Wedding Fluff, clexa wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:02:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28836033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mally09/pseuds/mally09
Summary: After years of being in a rocky relationship, Clarke and Lexa have finally made it to their wedding day. But can all that transpired 10 steps ago be forgotten for the sake of a step forward in their relationship?ORThe one where Clarke's past uncertainties catch up with Lexa on their wedding day and give her the jitters.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 80





	Don't kiss the bride yet

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I started this off a long time ago but didn't finish it as it needed some edits. Finally got around to doing that today. Enjoy!

As Clarke walked down the aisle, escorted by her dad Jake Griffin, she couldn’t help the nerves. She was smiling from ear to ear at all the people that had gathered for their wedding ceremony. But on the inside, she was so nervous. This day was huge for both of them. They’d come a long way to it and today was going to be the day they set it in stone - their eternal love. 

Clarke knew their ride was a rocky one. But she’s never felt more sure of their relationship today. She could not wait to call Lexa her wife. She could not wait for the vows, she couldn't wait to kiss the bride. Though she had done that a million times over already, this time she’d be kissing her as her wife. 

So why was she nervous? She couldn't tell. She wondered if it was just habitual. Anything that had to do with Lexa made her nervous. She wanted to give her the best life she could. She would give Lexa her all and though this realisation came to her pretty late in their courtship, she was certain about it now. 

Her dad kissed her on the cheek when they reached the elevated area and Clarke gave a nod to the minister of their ceremony, Marcus Kane. 

She stood facing him and waited, The sound of the piano played by their friend Luna filled the air. And Clarke wanted to turn around and look at her bride. They weren’t allowed to see each other over the last two days and really, Clarke was missing her. Clarke also worried about this arrangement, because both of them had been nervous about the wedding, they were sure they both wanted it, they’d never been more sure about anything, and that went more for Clarke. But in a few moments, her bride would be standing next to her ready to make her her wife. 

A few whispers brought Clarke out of her reverie, she looked up from her bouquet to find a very confused expression on Kane’s face. “What is it?” she asked him. 

“I think your wife-to-be is experiencing the pre-wedding jitters, Clarke,” Kane said.

Clarke turned around to find a very exasperated Raven and Octavia talking with Gustus and Abby. Indra was still talking to some of the guests and Jake had taken charge of calling some guests who were late. 

She lifted her gown a little with both her hands and rushed over to them, back down the aisle. “Mom, what’s going on?”

“Lexa. She won’t come out of her room,” Raven answered. 

But before Clarke could say anything, Abby answered, “Clarke, don’t worry, let us talk to her.”

“No mom, wait,” she turned to Raven and Octavia, “Weren’t you guys with her in her room after you left mine?” 

“We were, but then she asked us for a moment alone, we asked her if everything was fine and she said it was, she just needed some time before she got out,” Octavia explained. 

Now Clarke worried, was Lexa rethinking this? “Okay, can you guys please keep everyone busy, I need to speak with her,” Clarke said. 

Raven almost tried to stop her. They weren’t supposed to see each other as per traditions, but knowing the girls’ history, she let her pass. 

Clarke lifted her gown a little again and passed her bouquet to Octavia. Abby made her way to Kane to explain and then she apologised to the crowd for the delay and explained that they were facing some technical difficulties, but would start in a bit. 

When Clarke made her way to Lexa’s room, she strode with purpose. They had come so far together. They’d reach their wedding day. Now was not the time to take two steps back. She knew with all her heart that Lexa wanted this day as much as her, maybe more than her. So why wasn’t the girl right beside her at the altar right now? 

She knocked at her door. “Lex, Lex, it’s me, Clarke. Can you open the door for me?”

She waited but there was no answer. So she knocked again, and this time she rested her ear at the door listening for anything, anything at all. 

That’s when she heard it. Strong breaths, almost a heave. She’d recognize it anywhere. During their courtship, Lexa was subject to multiple bouts of anxiety attacks. There were a lot of things that caused it. What pained Clarke the most was that one of the causes was her. 

The sound was too close to the door, so she thought that maybe Lexa was sitting by the door itself. 

“Lex, baby, is everything okay? Do you wanna talk about it? I’m right here and I'm not going anywhere,” Clarke assured her. 

She waited. And then she heard the sobs. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around the girl and comfort her, prove to her that indeed she was here. But with a door between them, there wasn’t much she could do. This door might be Lexa’s doing, but ever since they knew each other, Clarke was aware that she always kept the door shut on Lexa. She regretted it with all her heart, but when it opened, she would never be able to return the same love that Lexa entered in with. 

“Baby, please don’t cry, open the door, let me hold you, we can do this together,” Clarke tried. She listened again. 

“Clarke, I can’t breathe,” Lexa responded. And Clarke could tell how short her breath was between words.

“Okay if you won’t let me in, we’re gonna have to do this anyway, Lex. Close your eyes, love,” Clarke instructed. 

“Now let’s count to ten okay? In your head, just think of the numbers.” Clarke began to count for her.

Clarke kept her ears to the door to make sure she could still hear the girl breathing. She was grateful Lexa was by the door or this would be really difficult. 

“You’re doing great, babe. Now can you tell me what you see around you?” 

“Clarke, I…” Lexa began.

But Clarke was not having it until she knew Lexa had come down from her panic attack. 

“Babe, we have time, stick with me, can you spot five objects around your room? Can you tell me some?”

“Clarke, please….”

“No Lex, not yet,” Clarke answered immediately, “not until you’re alright.” 

Clarke all but heard Lexa exhale. 

“There are hangers, there’s a chair in front of the mirror, there’s makeup, there’s a bouquet.”

“Good, are you sitting down Lex?”

“Yea,”

“I’m sitting down too, right next to the door,” Clarke said. “I’m right here, would you like to talk about it? Is there something I can get you?” Clare was asking all these questions, but really she was afraid of the answers. She and Lexa have gone back and forth in their relationship so many times now that she should have expected to cause the girl a panic attack on their wedding day. She blamed herself. 

“No Clarke, I'm sorry, I'll be out in a moment, I know everyone’s waiting,” Lexa responded. 

“They can wait, Lex. But I'm not gonna let you walk down that aisle anxious or fearful,” Clarke admitted. “I really want to know what’s on your mind, is this not what you want?”

“No Clarke,” Lexa was quick to respond. “I want to do this,” Lexa admitted. 

Clarke closed her eyes. Lexa’s voice was sincere. But it was also broken. It was hopeful, but there was more to it. So Clarke asked with a very heavy heart, the one question she didn’t want to have to ask on their wedding day, “But?” 

Tears pooled in her eyes, her stomach churned. But she needed to be strong. One of them needed to and if Lexa was strong for both of them all through their years of dating, Clarke would be the one to do it for them on their wedding day. 

“There’s no but, Clarke, I’m just scared. Don’t get me wrong, I want this, I really do, I just don't know if you want this. I know it’s stupid, I know we’ve spoken about this before and I know you’ve told me so many times how much you love me and how much you want this, but can you blame me for wondering,” Lexa’s voice broke. 

“For wondering?” Clarke asked, urging her to go on, tears falling down her own face now. She heard Lexa take a deep breath in. Clarke lifted her hand and placed it against the door while her head leaned on it. 

“For wondering if you’ll suddenly change your mind again, Clarke. I know we’ve come a long way from those years in our relationship. I know we’ve been able to handle our relationship maturely over the past year, but what if this is not it for you, the way it wasn’t enough for you before the last year? What if you turn around one day and say you’re not sure, how can you be sure now?” 

Clarke’s heart broke. She was responsible for this. She was the one who pushed and pulled Lexa in and out of their relationship when she was still figuring things out. It was Lexa who always held the door open for her. Lexa who was patient with her, Lexa who waited for her. And Lexa who held her through the difficult decisions, every step of the way.

Even when Clarke said she couldn’t do it, Lexa understood, but Lexa didn’t hate her for it. She took a step back, allowing Clarke her space. Lexa had always been patient with her. She on the other hand was unable to process what their relationship meant.

And right now, maybe Lexa was asking for patience or space. What if Lexa wasn’t as ready as she was. Clarke was beginning to doubt the conversations they’ve had in the past year. Why was Lexa always seeming to be ready if this was her fear? 

Clarke realised she had two options. She could quell Lexa’s fears right now, tell her how much she loved her and that she had no reason to fear Clarke leaving her. Or…

Or she could give Lexa what Lexa always gave her - time, patience, understanding, allow her to come around, herself. But with that, she would also risk losing the girl and she wasn't sure what she was willing to risk right now.

“Clarke? Clarke, I'm sorry, maybe these are just pre-wedding butterflies. I don’t know what this is, I do want to marry you, but,”

“Lex, no,” Clarke sounded too hurt even to herself. She wondered if she could hide it from Lexa at all. “Lex, baby, I love you with all my heart and I could read you my vows right here, I could call you my wife at this moment, but I can’t…. I can’t stand here and listen to another ‘but’. Babe, if you think this is not the right time for us... for us to do this, I’ll understand,” Clarke heard Lexa move against the door, “if you think we’re not gonna make it in the long run, we don’t need to do this. I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past, I know I took too long to see how much you mean to me, I know I took you for granted a whole lot of times, but I know better now and I've known for more than a year now, Lex. I can’t tell you what our future is gonna be like. But I love you now more than I ever did before and not giving this love a chance is… I don’t know what it is Lex. The chance came and went by so many times and this time we’re so close. And I'm here and you are here and we’re so close.” Clarke spoke into the door, hoping Lexa was really close, close enough to feel what she was feeling. “Lex,” she took a pause, hoping to hear if Lexa was listening, but she got radio silence. “Lex, I'm going to go outside now, because I'm here to marry you today, I'm here to make you my wife, to swear to be by you through everything. And if you trust me, if you trust me, Lex, please come marry me. I’ll be waiting for you,” Clarke said, almost defeated, so unsure of what Lexa might choose to do. 

She rose to her feet about to turn when she remembered, she needed to give Lexa an out. “Babe, if this is not what you want right now, I'll understand, we can put off the wedding, God, we can go back to being friends if you’re not okay being my partner.” She tried not to react to the sob she heard from behind the door. “But Lex, I’m not letting you go this time, I’m not closing any doors, I’m here, I’m wherever you want me to be, if you need space, I’ll be away too, but I’ll do that for you, hoping that one day we’ll be something.”

Clarke made her way to her room then. She needed to gather her thoughts. She needed to gather her own emotions. There were chances she would leave today without a wife in tow, without her girl in tow. There are chances she just lost everything she journeyed so far for. All the years behind them, all the tears, the laughter, the experiences. Would Lexa give it all up? Because Clarke shut her out too many times before. She didn't know what she could do to prove it to Lexa now more than ever. They’d spent the last two years working on all of it, coming clean to one another and their families. Lexa helped Clarke come out to her parents, she helped Clarke accept it herself, and Clarke had never before felt that true to herself. Finally, she felt like a burden was lifted off her. 

Was she oblivious to the weight Lexa was carrying? Her insides churned at the thought. Were they a mistake?

She closed her eyes and pictured her bride. Lexa. The girl who brightened all her days. The girl who always knew how to lift her spirits. The girl whose mere presence made her feel like the sun was shining in her life. She prayed and hoped in her heart that Lexa would trust her, that Lexa would see how much she meant to her now. 

Clarke took a once over in the mirror, touched up her makeup, schooled her emotions a bit and stepped outside. Abby was the first to meet her. 

“Clarke, baby, is everything okay?”

“It will be, mom,” is all Clarke could say for now, without letting tears fill her eyes again.

Raven and Octavia came up to her next, “Clarke, is she alright?”

“She’s gonna marry me tonight, Rae, we’ll both be alright,” Clarke said, trying to convince herself with it too, she then took her bouquet from Octavia and made her way to the altar. 

Everyone took their seats. Clarke nodded at Luna for her to play something. 

Kane looked confused, but he took his place too. Clarke didn't look behind even once. She waited patiently. Clarke would wait forever for Lexa. Though right now, she’d need an explanation for the guests. No, she wasn’t losing hope just yet. How long would she need to wait until she knew Lexa was not gonna come out to marry her. 

“SHe’ll be here, she’ll come,” Clarke said, more to herself than Kane. 

The longer she waited the longer her resolve was dying. Tears filled her eyes and one ran down her cheek, she took a deep breath in and then a deep breath out. She looked up at Kane, and Kane worried at the tears that were filling her eyes. “Clarke, where’s Lexa?”

Clarke shook her head as the tears came. Lexa had made her decision. Clarke would go home without her today. Clarke looked up, higher than her line of sight to push back the tears that were renewing in her eyes, she had to explain something to their guests. Her mind was not clear enough to do it, she needed her mom. 

She turned around to find her. She knew her face would raise a lot of whispers, but really what choice did she have? When she looked up, her sight was blurry, she had to blink a couple of times to get the tears out and see clearly. But the sound of her friends and family could have been a giveaway. 

And then down the aisle, was a damsel in white running down the grass with her feet bare. Her hair fell out of its pins, and her curls flew behind her. Her make up though looked freshly applied and Clarke couldn't believe her eyes. 

Lexa ran up to her, took a moment to look at her eyes and then pulled her into a hug. “I’m not going anywhere without calling you my wife today,” Lexa said. Clarke’s arms felt heavy. It took so much in her to wrap them back around Lexa. Was she dreaming? Or did Lexa really want this?

“Lex, you don’t have to,” Clarke began. But Lexa pulled away from the embrace and as she looked into Clarke’s eyes, she reiterated, “I want to, I want to marry you, Clarke, I had a moment of weakness, I'm sorry. But when you left, I just, I just couldn't imagine it, I couldn't imagine leaving from here today without you, I couldn’t imagine another day without you or another day with me wondering if we are meant to be, I know it, I know we’re meant to be, I'm sorry I doubted you, I'm sorry I almost ruined today, I’m sorry, I just got nervous okay, you make me nervous. But I want to spend my life with you and you’re here and I'm here, and this is the chance we have.”

Clarke smiled, “Lex, are you sure? We can talk some more if you want, we can wait if you need more time, but I'll make you mine someday, I know of that, we don’t have to do it today,” Clarke couldn't resist giving the girl an out, she knew now she could wait forever for Lexa. 

“There’s no better day than today, Clarke, I've waited too long, I'm not letting you out of my sight for one more moment. I’m okay, we’re okay.” Lexa wiped at the tears down Clarke’s face and then wiped at her own. She was glad their make up was mostly waterproof and she had Octavia to thank for that. 

“Don’t kiss the bride yet,” Kane interrupted them, pulling them both out of their own bubble and back to the ceremony. Clarke giggled, but Lexa swore she could take him down for interrupting their moment. She schooled her thoughts, he was gonna administer the ceremony. 

Lexa took Clarke’s hand in hers, “Are you ready to get married?”

“Are you?” Clarke asked teasingly. 

Lexa laughed. They both looked toward Kane to signal him to begin. 

He waited for everyone to take their seats. Abby, Jake Indra and Gustus sat in the first row proudly looking on at their girls. Rae and Octavia took their sides besides the brides. And the ceremony began. 

They said their vows with their hands holding one another’s. They said their ‘I dos’, they exchanged their rings, kissed and promised forever. 

“What did I say that brought you back?” Clarke asked Lexa as they found a moment to themselves on the dance floor later that evening. Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes as they swayed to the music. There was no fear there, there was no panic there, there was only love. But in her heart, she knew that if fear and panic were ever to return, she would hold the love of her life in her arms until she was able to quell all of Lexa’s fears. She may have been a horrible girlfriend to Lexa back in the day, she may have been uncertain of so many things and was not able to give Lexa the stable relationship she deserved, but today, right here, and every moment after, she vowed to never leave the girl guessing. 

“I was scared, Clarke. Before you came to get me. But nothing scared me more than when you got up and moved away from the door, I couldn't bear the thought of losing this chance to call you mine.”

Clarke smiled softly. “You’re always mine, Lex.” Clarke placed a kiss on Lexa’s lips. And then she continued, “when I waited and you still hadn’t shown any sign of coming to the ceremony, I thought you made up your mind,” Clarke said. It brought a pain back to her chest and Lexa probably felt it too.

“I’m sorry, I've never run in heels before, I had to ditch them down the hallways, I would have come sooner, I swear,” Lexa rambled and rushed to say. 

Clarke looked at her wife blankly and then burst out laughing. A pair of heels almost took away their chance of being married today. Lexa laughed with her. 

“I’m infinitely in love with you, Clarke, thank you for giving us a chance,” Lexa said.

“And I'm infinitely in love with you, babe. You gave us a chance this time.” Clarke responded.

Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke chastely. They were leaving behind their rocky past, they were letting go of the times they were unsure, they were saying goodbye to the days of uncertainty, the days of mistrust. 

They were giving each other the chance they deserved as wife and wife, to hold each other’s hearts safe and to love each other till death did them part. 

**Author's Note:**

> Liked it? Don't forget to leave a kudos or a comment. I'd really appreciate that.


End file.
